Live Every Moment

There's something incredibly reviving about running as the seasons are in Transition. Running over vanishing snow as it washes itself of itself to reveal muddy trails and grassy fields ready to be brought back to life.

Under a pristine blue sky with the sun set high, warming up the ground, I wound my way up the backside of the mountain. At first I struggled to move Forward at a consistant pace in the slippery slush, but I soon realized that, if I adapted my stride to a quicker turnover, I could glide over the surface of the snow without too much Trouble.

In life it is easy to live one step ahead of the present Moment, focusing on what might be instead of what actually is. Running has taught me that I can't move move forward successfully if I'm already living in the next step, not focusing on the step that is the link to the next one.

As I was moving my way further and steeper up the back of the mountain, I could feel how my mind and Body were moving simultaniously in the same direction, enhancing all my senses. I felt the texture of the ground beneath my feet, smelt the earthy scent of spring that was drifting in the air and saw my surroundings with the wonderous eyes of a child.

Running fills me with a Feeling of freedom and an increased joy for life which is simply a reflection of how life should be lived and experienced every Moment.

I began descending the front of the mountain, first in heavy, slushy snow (ideal for shoe skiing down for a speedier descent) then moving on to muddy, slippery spring trails. My mind started running ahead of me, thinking about what needed to be done for the rest of the day. My mind and Body were no longer moving in the same rhythm, as my thoughts drifted from the present Moment, distracting me from where my feet were landing. I was rapidly pulled back into the present as I tripped over the root of a tree and ungracefully face planted in the mud. I picked myself up, chuckled at myself and marvelled at the irony of the lesson.

Live in the present Moment of your stride, be Aware of the next step, don't try and outrun yourself or your life... Live Every Moment.

 

 

 

Called out in the dark

"I was called out in the dark
By a choir of beautiful cheats"

 

I couldn't sleep, didn't want to sleep, something was pulling me outside into the Imperfect snow, under a perfect star covered sky. I began to walk aimlessly, planlessly up my endless backyard, which is my playground.

My senses were on overdrive - I saw clearly without extra light, I could hear the chatter of the snow as it crushed beneath my feet, I could smell the purity of the crisp, cool mountain air, I could feel the breeze on my Skin and in my hair, and how it was carrying me up the mountain.

 

 

 



"And how the heavens, they opened up
Like arms of dazzling Gold"

 

 

As I was drifting up the mountain, just as midnight hit, I glanced up at the sky and saw how the clouds had disappeared without a trace, revealing an army of majestic mountains illuminated by the glow of the rounding moon. I took a Moment to sit, far removed from any artificial light, allowing me to see the stars clear and Close. Hypnotized by the silence and Beauty, I saw something that resembled "arms of dazzling Gold" shoot by. Shooting stars, cementing the Magic of the Moment.

 

"Show me now, show me the arms aloft
Every eye trained on a different star
This magic
This drunken Semaphore"

 

Mesmerized by the stars, I kept walking... cross-countrying over whatever was left of, what was once, lush powder snow. My eyes drifted back to the heavens where I realised no one star is the same, the perfect metaphor for us living beings - all unique in our own right, passing through this life like a Shooting star. LIVE YOUR WISH.

"This drunken Semaphore" is the ultimate drug, and its called LIFE.

 

"We are listening
And we're not blind"

 

I crested the top of a steep hill welcomed by the comforting faces of the mountains. I pulled my iPod out of my pocket, lost all my apprehensions and began to Dance for, what seemed to be, an eternity, infront of an audience of mountains with the stars serving as natural Disco light.

Listen to the whispers of nature, they will not lead you astray. Open your eyes to the Beauty of life, it is perfectly Imperfect.

 

 

"This is your life
This is your time"

 

 

LIVE IT !!

 

 

The wise old man

Special encounters happen more often than not when you run, but some encounters leave a beautiful stain on your soul, they ring words that will stay with you forever. An eternal Memory.

I was running with the playfullness of a little child over a carpet of glittering snow, smiling from ear to ear, laughing as I tumbled into a cushion of white fluff.
I felt like I was effortlessly floating over the ground... I felt how the beautiful crisp air was filling my lungs and cleansing my mind. They were compiled moments of complete bliss.

I had been out for over an hour without seeing a person. There was nothing but me and the uniterrupted wisdom of nature, until, as I crested the last little climb, I could see the silhouette of an elderly man. Still grinning, the distance between us decreased with every step. From a few meters away he broke the peaceful silence I had been drifting in:
"you really look like you love what you're doing", he said in a deep, Husky voice.
My step paused and I came to a standstill infront of the king of mountains, the Eiger. I took a Moment to catch my breath, glanced around me, and replied:
"I really do love what I'm doing!!"
He began to tell me that he once too was a runner, setting off and exploring trails for hours, eating berries along the way, drinking only from streams and fountains, enjoying that feeling that can't even be put into words, the feeling that could only be understood if felt yourself. I knew that Feeling he was talking about.

I was captivated by the truth of his words, the wisdom in his eyes and the strength with which he stood in life. He continued telling me that he had to give up running  20 years ago, (at which point I asked how old he is... I couldn't believe he is 90!), due to illness.
His dense beard was frozen with pearls of snow and I could see how his thoughts were wandering through his past. He told me he couldn't walk far anymore, but that freedom he felt when he was running  he could still feel now;
"things adapt, life adapts, if you let it".
I believe it was him telling me his freedom had adapted into enjoying the things he can do.

The sun was getting behind an army of mountains and it was getting colder rapidly. Although I could have stayed and listened to the old man for days, I needed to get home.
As we said our goodbyes he left me with words that will remain embeded in me forever;

"don't let anoyone take the freedom of what you love from you, because at some point life will."

That Moment will forever be a part of me, and so will that old man! I am grateful for unexpected Encounters!

The balance of dualities

I was convinced that I could ride my bike, just one more time, before winter set in. Reality proved to be different and my eyes awoke to a lush carpet of snow covering the ground. No big deal if you have a plan B, and that I did. I fixed my bike into my turbo trainer, perched outside my front door, where I watched the elegantly floating snowflakes settle on the white carpet. 

I often hear that people struggle with turbo trainers or treadmills, because you are on the spot... Not moving forward, not seeing anything different, a stagnant state of being. I  however, enjoy moving forward in the present moment without physical displacement. 

Exercise always heightens my senses and liberates my mind to wonder freely, which in turn helps me to find that beautiful state of balance between my mind & body.

As I was pedaling away, thinking about everything yet nothing, I noticed a difference in strength between the power I was exerting through each leg. An imbalance that began to irritate me and distract me from my state of bliss, because it wasn't optimal, it wasn't perfect. I began to shift in my saddle, attempting to find that perfect spot that might bring me into a perfect alignment, but this imbalance was telling me something else. That I have a weak side and a strong side. A dominant side and subordinate side.

As it so often happens, one thought leads to another and I began to think about the dualities of life. Every aspect of life I thought of had an opposite counter part. One is generally deemed the positive side, and the other the negative side. 

I began brain storming obvious dualities in life:

~ Day/night

~ Young/Old

~ peace/war

~ love/hate

~ hot/cold

~ salty/sweet

~ male/female

~ life/death

~ summer/winter

~ heaven/hell

~ mind/body 

~ fire/water

~ high/low

And the list continues infinitely...

I realized that, in order to move forward and evolve, the opposing forces need to be accepted and acknowledged, so that a state of balance between the two poles can be found. So I turned my focus back to the bike and how I could create equilibrium between my left and right side. Suddenly the Yin & Yang symbol flashed before my eyes and I recalled its definition: 

"used to describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world; and, how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another".

What I needed to do was use the strength of my dominant side to give rise to my weaker, submissive side. The opposing forces need to interplay so a state of balance could be achieved.

In life, we get too stuck in either the Yin or the Yang state and forget to see everything as a whole. We create positives and negatives, ironically turning positives into negatives because of the imbalance that is crated through giving one force too much power.

I realized that I was giving my strong leg too much power, in effect, allowing my already weaker leg to continue to get weaker. The answer was simple - working on my weakness with my strength could only make me stronger in the long run. 

Ultimately balance is about acceptance and realizing that dualities form a whole. 

Balance is the true definition of perfection.

Dreams

"Its the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting."

For close to a year I have dreamed, day in day out, of crossing the finish line at the Grand to Grand Ultra,  a 270km self supported stage race along the rim of the Grand Canyon. So much time, energy, sacrifice and commitment went into this adventure, and nothing was going to stop me from crossing that finish line.
Something did stop me from crossing that finish line, my body. And I was the one battling with my Ego to, either, continue and realize my dream or not continue and have my dream burst like a bubble, just like that.

The adventure began on a beautiful morning with the sun rising over the Grand Canyon creating a breathtaking backdrop. The sun rose in a majestic way, quickly warming up out cold bodies and gently reminding us of her dominance and strength. The energy in the air was tangible with over 100 runners ready to embark on this Grand adventure. Some were grinning as big as they could, others were quietly within themselves meditating on the task ahead, and then there were others dancing around to the music that was playing, obviously ready to run and have fun.
I stepped up to the start line feeling calm and ready. My body felt great, my mind felt strong and my spirit was fueled by the idea of realizing the dream that had accompanied me for the past year. The first two days unfolded fantastically. I quickly learned that it wasn't only about how quickly you got to the finish line, but about what happened on the way to the finish line. Amazing bonds were formed with fellow runners as you covered many kilometers of ground together, helping one another through the hard patches, laughing about life and learning more about life by being, listening and talking.

I can't explain what it is about running, but it truly frees the spirit and makes you more open to life and other people. That is why I love to run with other people, especially in a race like the Grand 2 Grand, because most people seem to have this unspoken understanding between one another, and even though we are all strangers you feel this weird sense of familiarity and respect. We just get one another and are all equals. To me, running creates this beautiful reflection of what life should be like and how it should be absorbed. It is not always easy, on the contrary, it is often very challenging, but it shows that, when you love something it will bring out the best in you. Thats why we runners can relate, because when we are out there taking in the beautiful sights and absorbing life, we are the best version of ourselves, raw, real and free.

Day three was the day to overcome, a 53 mile day with a very high percentage of sand ( I mean VERY high), cactus dodging, scrambling and traversing sand dunes. I was lucky enough to embark on this day with one of the amazing people I met during the run, Rebecca. The day started out fantastically with lots of chit chatting and laughing which created the illusion that we happily floated the first 10km of the course. We crested the first climb and entered, what was to be, a long day in the sand. I began to feel this weird pain on my shin bone, a pain I didn't pay too much attention to initally, but as it began to intensify I began pondering over the cause of that pain. I decided that it must be because of all the sand in my shoes, creating tension in my tendons. I emptied my shoes certain that I would feel some relief with my next steps, but the pain was still there. I then decided that my ankles must be swelling causing the anklet that I was wearing to give me a pressure sore. I cut off the anklet, again convinced that my pain would magically disappear, yet again there was no difference. I gave myself no other choice than to persevere and ignore the pain, because this was not part of the dream, it wasn't in the plan.
In great company, we ran all day long and into the night. Conversations were helping me distract from the discomfort, but when we hit the sand dunes I had this sense that my dream wasn't going to come to fruition.

Hypnotized by the pain (I was familiar with) I followed behind Rebecca and Gianfranco. It was a pain I knew, a pain I'd had 3 times before, the pain of a stress fracture. As we got to checkpoint 7 I got the Medic to check out my pain, quietly hoping he'd say I'm being soft and I should just continue running. But thats not exactly what he said, and without a definite diagnosis, his guess was the same as mine - a stress fracture. My mind went into overdrive, I could be tough and just keep on going, taking on the risk of injuring myself even more, but, as a reward, realizing my dream. Or I could be sensible and listen to the voice of my body that was loudly speaking, acutally shouting, at me.

I once had another dream, to escape the clutches of anorexia. I realized that dream, and promised myself that I would respect and listen to my body, that I would treat it with compassion. As I was sitting at the campfire, stewing over my decision, I looked down at my right forearm, where I have the word compassion tattoed. The purpose of that tattoo took on its full power in that moment, because it reminded me of the accountability I promised to have towards myself and others. I went to sleep for a few hours, knowing in my heart that my decision was made, but still living in the hope that by the morning the pain would disappear. It hadn't, and with a heavy heart I took my running shoes off, marking the end of the race for me.

I believed that taking off my running shoes would also mark the end of my dream, but life loves to prove us wrong. Over the past week I have had alot of time to think and feel into myself. My dream is now more alive than ever, because previously I only dreamed of the finish line, in some ways already bringing an end to the dream. All dreams have a beginning, and I never dreamed of the start line, now I realize that, without a start line there can be no finish line. I'm lucky, because my dream continues in a much richer way. It is now filled with incredible people, vital lessons, a new sense of self respect and gratitude that this journey continues until its my time to cross the finish line.

 I am living my dream!

The Comfort Zone

Why are you running the Grand to Grand Ultra? This is the question I have been posed most frequently over the past few months. So many People find it hard to comprehend why a Person would put themselves through the ordeal of running 270(ish) self supported Kilometers through the Grand Canyon. So everytime a Person asks me the question why I'm embarking on this adventure, I always get stuck on words, its simply a Feeling I can't describe.

After a month of injury and being plagued with a gnarly cold, I have had a lot of time to question myself on why I am doing this. Because my Training had to be comporomised due to the issues I was having, an avalanche of self-doubt came over me. The Training runs I did do were either uncomfortable because I had this nagging niggle above my ankle or I felt sluggish and powerless because of the cold I was fighting. For the first time though, I listened to the voice of my Body and decreased my running drastically to prevent myself from getting a serious injury. I usually embrace the attitude of "just one more run, and by tomorrow it will miraculously be better". That naive thinking has always run me into Trouble and resulted in stress fractures that have forced me to hit the wall and stop running for Extended periods of time. This time I decided to listen and test my willpower in a different way, to step out of my safety Zone or comfort Zone, which is enjoying the freedom of running everyday and the peace it gives me, and decrease my mileagae until my Body gave me the green light telling me it was ready to go again.

I was petrified of not running as much. I was unsure how I would handle myself, how I would occupy myself, where I would find a Substitute outlet. I was scared of having thoughts get stuck in my head, because when I run my thoughts are also in Motion, its as though I'm meditating in Motion. What if I was Standing still? Would my thoughts stand still as well and consume my mind like anorexia did? I came to find that my thoughts still moved, but I had to find a different way to let them move and observe them. I found a beautiful bench perched high above the village where I would hike to everyday to Meditate. At first I couldn't Focus... I had no Patience... I would get irritated by bugs and bees. As I persevered my mind began to calm down and my ears would trace the sounds of the things, first in my immediate surrounding, then Extended into the distance. My thoughts came and went, my Body relaxed. I visualized myself running through the Grand Canyon and a Feeling of joy and peace came upon me.

As I progressed back into running I felt comfortable with a slow build up again. I didn't have the Feeling that I had to make up what I had lost in physical Fitness during that time , because in reality I had gained so much more in a mental way.

I was so far outside of my comfort Zone CHOOSING not to run. Thats when I realized that the beautiful Thing about comfort is that we don't always have to move within it, but its always a place we can come back to and be rewarded with that welcoming Feeling like coming home!

I ran through the beautiful mountain hinterlands this morning and as I was (what it felt like) dancing down and gliding up the trails, I realized why I want to do this race. It's because running and the Feeling I get from it is simply an eye opener to how we should experience life regardless if we're running, Walking, sitting, living inside or outside of our comfort zones, on happy or on less happy days...

So here is my answer to why I am running the G2G Ultra - because running is my metaphor for life, its my life Mantra "RunWithLife, RunWithEndurance"!

Like the weather

There are days where I crave nothing more than the solitude found in the mountains, encountering nothing but sweet trails, wild animals, the peaceful advice of the mountains and the occasional technical adventure. I also love the unpredictable nature of the weather in the mountains; peaceful blue skies can be surrounding you one moment and in the next, you can feel the weight of the storm clouds above you, ready to roar and rumble.

I awoke to a blue sky that framed the mountains, the golden sun smiling at me, luring me outside and inviting me on a spontaneous adventure. I quickly filled my backpack with water, food and a change of clothes and set foot on the trail that passes by front door. I didn't feel like thinking, so I followed the direction my subconscious directed my feet to go.
I love that feeling of "going with the flow", allowing yourself to be surprised, learning to trust in your gut feeling and, in effect, switching off your mind giving you the liberty to absorb your surroundings, and quietly observe your thoughts.

The heat of the sun was radiating off the ground, magnifying its intensity, as I began ascending the rocky trail towards the Schilthorn. As I crested higher towards the summit I found snowfields in which sheep where laying, cooling themselves from the sting of the raging sun. I figured that it was quite a smart thing those sheep were doing, so I did the same, stripped off my shoes, letting my feet sink in to the freezing cold snow, before I lay down and glared up at the sky. It was so still, cloudless, but the energy of the air was changing... I could feel tension, a tug of war between the hot and cold air, I could smell that a storm was brewing in the distance. I slipped back in to my shoes and descended the snow field by shoes skiing, one of the funnest things ever, and typical to my style, I came to a halt by face planting into a muddy patch of snow. What can I say, it's a unique talent.

With the Schilthorn in sight, I knew that would be my destination. As I gained altitude I also gained in the density of the blanket of fog that began to engulf me. The fog seemed to absorb the steamy heat and turn it into a chilly sheath of air. The fog began to dance around, occasionally engulfing the beautiful scenery of Eiger, Mönch and Jungfrau only to reveal it again in all its glory. The fog became a great distraction to the intensity of the uphill hike, and before I knew it I had sumited the Schilthorn, perched high above an ocean of fog.

Taking the cable car down was not an option, even though I began to see storm clouds rising up behind the mountains. I spontaneously decided to follow the direction of the first sign I saw (that lead back to Mürren). I began descending behind the Schilthorn in direction of the Rotstockhütte, traversing a beautiful ridge, climbing over boulders and crossing rapid rivers. The tension in the air was building, but I was too immersed in my immediate little world that I never looked up at the sky until I took a stack and landed on my butt, forcing me to glare up at the sky and the monsterous dark clouds that were etching eerily close.
From growing up in the mountains, I knew that theses clouds were welcoming a major storm, which alerted me to pick up my pace and make my way home as quickly as possible.

I had a good 2 hours of descending ahead of me before I would be home, so my adventure became a race against the elements. I knew that there was a certain risk involved with getting caught in the storm, but the feeling of playing with nature and its elements was so much fun. Within only a few minutes, the mountains were hiding behind a thick curtain of dark cloud and the first signs of lightning were visible as they hit and light up the sky.

Thunder began to shake the ground and I was a good 30min away from home. Hikers began to seek shelter from the rain that was shooting from the sky like soft bullets, that turned into hard bullets of hail. I kept running. For some reason there is nothing quite as liberating as running in rain, being cleansed by the sky... it feels so reviving. Hikers were seeking shelter under tin roofs, but I felt it to be a safer option to just keep running. I'm not sure if that was a smart call or not, but I got home safe and thats the most important thing.

I got home and reflected on the run. I realized that we are not so different from the weather; we have many different weather fronts within us... sometimes we radiate with sunshine... sometimes we live in a world of fog, not seeing ahead clearly... sometimes we are the storm. No day is ever the same, so why should we always be the same!?

Keep on Keeping on!!